the Strangeness that is my life

[salamanca]

Well, I don't like "dark future" games. but now it's more of an alternate reality current events game which is also hit or miss. but by then it will be a historic fantasy game. That game was modeled to take place in 2056.

Mind you, they still have an active freelancer who thinks the cyberdeckers need to be using ACTUAL KEYBOARDS when we don't even use those now for mobile devices. (He ought to change his catchphrase to "the best Ork Luddite you never met")

[salamanca]

Smacked myself in the face with a crowbar today. Wasn't planning on doing that but the board I was removing surrendered a lot faster than I expected it to. Mild headache, couple stitches, checked off a local urgent care site to avoid next time. (doc was great, rest of the facility makes Origins look prepared). Doc however was not a man with a sense of humor and as I deflect pain with sarcasm, it made for a long visit. It also does not help that the doc, nurse and receptionist all felt the need to make sure I was actually coherent by asking the mandatory thrice repeated question list that the HMO hotline operator also made me cover on the phone (because in the event of a head injury, it's good to delay authorizing treatment by making that phonecall last 40 minutes). Highlight of that call was describing the cut above my eye and being asked "how large is it?". I can't see it, it's on my face. As for the actual head bashing, it caught me between the eyebrow and temple so my lousy eye-hand coordination probably saved me from concussing myself. But I assure you that should you opt to club yourself with a crowbar, it will hurt like a migraine, you will see a burst of color and if you don't knock yourself out, you will not want to walk or move around for a good minute until the world gets steady. And there is a good chance at my game table I will houserule some lost actions for the target. Now, for any head injury, be prepared to be asked: your name, birthdate, current president, current date, what happened to you, marital status, and if you feel safe in your own home (i probably should say no as I was at home with construction tools causing the visit but that leads to more questions). But don't get all panicky. SAL IS FINE AND WILL SEE YOU ALL IN A COUPLE WEEKS.

[Rebecca Iavelli]

Will it leave a scar you can create a good story for?
You know, like Indiana Jones' scar on his chin from the whip?

Origins can't get here fast enough this year. (But since I am still working on costumes, I'm glad to have the time). Keep away from placid looking tool boxes, no matter how safe they may look, it might just be a mimic in disguise!

[Black Jack Rackham]

Geez, and I thought my wife (who has in the course of her lifetime, broken her back by stepping off a 5" platform while holding a great deal of weight, sliced open her finger by trying to cut a bagel in half, fell from a height of over 6' by trying to climb off the side of a truck while pregnant, and has, on several occasions, given herself 3rd degree burns by grabbing 1) the exhaust pipe of a Harley, 2) a red hot stove element, and 3) the VERY SAME stove element again, to name but a few) was a klutz.

Dave am I going to have to put up a sign prohibiting you from playing with sharp instruments?

[Lady Grace]

And now we know the REAL reason why Dave doesn't want boffer weapons at the LARP...

[salamanca]

Sharp stuff i'm good with. It's the blunt stuff that keeps after me. My sister suggested I start hitting myself with smaller tools and build up tolerance as crowbars are for "pros". And mark, your wife is not clumbsy, she is "adventurous".

[salamanca]

This morning's weirdness. It's raining so the old man decides that suddenly we should wander out to the equipment barn and drag these old driving range mats made of astroturf out of storage so he can give them to a buddy who has a range nearby. They are in great shape for their age but they have literally been sitting in the same spot in the rafters since at least 1980 and possibly much longer. So you know who got volunteered to climb out and get them because otherwise why tell the story. And that was no big deal but these things have accumulated 35+ years of dust and filth so I also get to blow all that out of them and clean them up because fake grass cleans better with air than water. And i'm thinking that most of my friends are not as old as the flakes of stuff coming out of these mats. So then my GM mind kicks in and I start wondering what sort of forgotten strain of illness is hiding in this stuff. So I figure that's about how those egyptian pyramid curses worked. Open the tomb and kick up dust with viruses we lost immunity for and 3 weeks later...dead archeologists. Good thing i'm old, I probably got exposed to all that when the previous owner stuck those mats up there. But if I do suddenly drop over in 3 weeks, it's the curse of Carl Spaekler.

[spizio]

Name, DOB, sorry excuse for a president, marital status, and "do I feel safe at home" I could ace. But I can't tell you today's date without looking at my watch or phone, pretty much ever. Based on this am I permanently concussed? If so can I collect disability?

[salamanca]

Just got a text from one of my mall employees. He is a teacher by trade but has been having trouble finding an opening in the area. Last year, all he could get was a job teaching one class a week and it's been a frustrating uphill battle to keep looking in his field while taking miserable sidework like working for me (which is a pretty lousy gig). So this text was announcing he got hired by a local district that actually is in a good area and can afford to pay their staff a decent wage. He also thanked everybody for the encouragement and support and it was all very nice and sweet.... SO YOU KNOW I HAD TO MESS WITH HIM. My reply asked "did they tell you they were closing at the end of the semester?". 5 minutes later he replies (and I have to assume that time was full of hyperventilation and profanity). "please tell me you're kidding". I let it sit there for 20 minutes because i'm evil then send back, "of course not. All schools close for summer". 2 minutes pass then I get a text that just reads, "ALL OF MY HATE, Dave. ALL OF MY HATE". I'm pretty sure he means it as a gamer means it.

[smafdi]

that is some poetry right there.

[salamanca]

Well, he got his revenge already. He knows I have an early morning job to be up for and am out of bed around 6 am. He re-sent the announcement at 4:45 this morning.

[salamanca]

Ok, my dad has been having some ongoing back pain since mid winter and the doctor has no idea what it is beyond involving muscle or possibly cartilage inflamation. This is mostly due to the fact that the doctor is not "dad smart" enough to ask the right question and Dad has a different definition of the words "work" "heavy lifting" and "rest". Short version, the old man pulled something, aggravated it by not resting like he should and continues to have issues because he will not stop picking up a golf club, rake or shovel long enough to let it completely heal. Nothing odd about that part but it leads to one of our helpful customers dropping off a product for him to take to help the injury. Now this customer has some arthritis and is taking this "all natural" supplement which he claims helps with the pain and ache. 4 pills a day. Now, just as a consumer warning I am going to point out that a bottle of lead pellets is "all natural" but that does not make it healthy to eat. So I figure I better give this bottle a read-through before crazy old man customer poisons dad. So what's in these pills?. Calcium...nothing bad about some calcium, it's good for bones. Magnesium...typical in lots of vitamins but no cure-all. VItamin C...orange juice is good for keeping the body going but again no special power. AAAAaaaannnd... WHITE WILLOW BARK EXTRACT... Wait, I know this from various books i've used for gaming references. Willow bark is used for something by people from the middle ages until the early 20th century now what was it?. Oh, that's right. WILLOW BARK MAKES ASPIRIN!!!. This is a bottle of aspirin with a crappy vitamin supplemental. At...holy crap, nearly 3 times the price. I am in the wrong business.

[salamanca]

Today is my great grandfather's 120th birthday. He's not here to celebrate it but I fiddled with some puzzles and word games on his behalf. For anybody that has played episode 1 with me, you have encountered his legacy as he was the man who built that checkerboard puzzle I use as a prop in that session. Things that showed up since his death that he would have loved: Sudoku, Blokus, tetris and words with friends. Happy Birthday, Mr. Fox.

[Black Jack Rackham]

Happy Birthday! I shall play some boardgames tomorrow in your memory!

[salamanca]

The universe is conspiring against me.

I was supposed to play some games sunday... that got cancelled.
I was supposed to play games yesterday... that got cancelled so I hung out with Jeremy and... we played no games but caught up on SHIELD.
I was supposed to teach some folks a game today... they cancelled.

It's odd stuff coming up at jobs and stuff you can't plan for, but it still has me jonesing to play something. I'm having to settle for losing Ticket to Ride Europe to my tablet. (I just don't have the hand of dealing with tunnels and needing wild cards which I normally ignore) Also the map seems cluttered with stops that don't need to be there.

[Sister Sonya]

Withdrawl?

[Black Jack Rackham]

Withdrawl?

[salamanca]

Today I ran over a guy with my tractor. He's quite dead. Wait, that sounds suspicious. Let me clarify. Today, a couple customers stopped to spread some ashes of their recently departed golf buddy on the course. Me, not knowing what they were up to, waited for them to get out of my way and then rumbled up and mowed the area they were just in. So I pretty much ran over the poor fellow with the tractor and mowers. Had I known, I probably would have skipped that spot or made sure I got to it first so he would have time to settle in. (and, yes, we get this sort of thing a lot.)

[Black Jack Rackham]

Dammit Dave, I've told you time and again, the golf course is the first place they're going to check. Call me if you need to hide the body!

[Lady Grace]

I'm disappointed, Dave...I could have sworn you of all people had access to pig farms.

[salamanca]

Actually, I have access to two pig farms. But I don't trust the owners. I'm afraid they will rat me out (note I skipped the obvious pig pun). Besides, thanks to the electric company, I now have several acres of land designated as wetland and conservancy where nobody will ever be allowed to dig (which makes it perfect for hiding bodies). And if you want the easy way, find an upturned tree, drop the body in the hole where the roots were, chainsaw the tree off and push the stump and root back over where they belong.

[Black Jack Rackham]

...And if you want the easy way, find an upturned tree, drop the body in the hole where the roots were, chainsaw the tree off and push the stump and root back over where they belong.

NOT, of course, that you've ever put much thought into where to bury a body...

[salamanca]

A good friend helps you move, a GREAT friend helps you move a body. Mind you I figured this out cleaning up after the tornado back in '83. (back then I used the threat to keep my little brother in line.)

[salamanca]

Ok, so yesterday I am minding the business and handling customers for the golf league when dad walks in and hands me a pair of wristwatches. Both are his and neither is particularly nice, just the everyday watxh. Turns out the band on one is coming apart and he wants me to swap the band off the other because he can't see it well enough. No big deal but as I pick up the now unbanded watch I get a movie scene flashback to Christopher Walken in Pulp Fiction. So as I hand it back I can't help but toss out the line about "this watch is your birthright, little man." and he cracks up. Now, I never expected him to remember that scene, I was doing it to amuse myself. So he hands it back to me and tells me to give it to my brother this morning. (who found it equally funny and told me they had watched the movie like a week ago which explains the old man remembering the scene). And before you ask, I did most of the scene this morning, not just the sanitized last line.

[salamanca]

No one will understand this post except Mark. 53 minutes. That's right, 53 minutes after I hung up. I am probably in better shape than I suspected.